On this adventure I saw the path to this beach with new eyes. It is a place I had placed behind bars and locked up in an attempt to keep it in my past. Locked up so tight I had't realized I would be conquering a fear other than my fear of heights when it was suggested we go to jump the bluffs in the late days of summer. I saw a new way to get there, a beautiful way, a route that took my breathe away. It gave this place a new space in my heart, taking away the pain I had associated with those gorgeous bluffs of that private beach club, a pain I won't discuss here... I pushed past the pain as I pushed my pedals forward, I sought new beauty in what was tainted by another person. Only I know of this pain and I am the one who got myself through it one pedal at a time. That may be more to be proud of than my jump. It may be why I wasn't able to get the courage to jump on my first visit, my fear was unlocked and a few memories surfaced which I was trying to process and replace with new memories, seeing it differently twenty years past. I will happily take these new memories with me into my future.
Where that future goes may be found on four tires, not two and with two feet and four paws. With all of the new things I have tried my 36th year, the year I devoted to challenging myself, I have come to realize the world is huge, beautiful and there for me to explore. It holds challenges I never knew of and want to face bravely. Every trail is different, even the same trail is different on a different day, just as I am. I want to explore this world, see it, love it, love myself in it. After spending 36 years migrating back and forth between two very small New England states I realize there may be something else out there waiting for me and I don't want to miss it. This 36 year old wants to live the dreams she had at 17, dreams pushed aside out of fear and the desire to please others. She wants to hit the road, living her life as her own, exploring, learning and growing, taking experiences with her to grow as a person, as a jeweler. Maybe she will discover there isn't much, but at the very least she will have faced the fear of the unknown.
Don't think, just walk is my new motto in life.
thanks for reading...